I WANT
The long sweltering summer is but a bead of sweat now on my battered brow
Mars burns brightly in the southeastern sky, yet I find myself wanting
I want 50 degrees, a wind chill, and a crystal clear blue sky
I want a Fall Saturday in Ohio Stadium
I want to get up at 6 AM, beer in hand by 7, and up at the Stadium tailgating with the other hardcores by 8
I want a bratwurst, I want coolers filled with ice cold beer, I want four tables packed with cheese, lunch meat, veggies, pasta salad, chips, salsa, Mexican bean-dip and much, much, more
I want to basically fill up on beer
I want to stand in line cross-legged for 30 minutes about to burst at a Porto-John
And I want to see the steam rise when I take a good pee
I want to piss behind a car door
I want SWAT teams of cops swarming around in shifts like the SS
I want to see Eric Schmidt and his four kegs of beer survive the weekend
And I want to see how he explains himself the day after
I want to be drunk off my ass with an “F Michigan” t-shirt on
I want people to ask “What the fuck is a Hoosier?”
I want to yell “Ann Arbor is a whore”
And I want to acknowledge a fellow buckeye who’ll give be a hearty I-O in return for my O-H
I want the band to come to my tailgate playing the greatest fight song in the world
I want to shotgun three beers on the walk to the stadium
I want to see Michelle cry at everything
I want to walk into Ohio Stadium, see the grass for the first time, feel like Rudy’s dad and mumble to myself : “This is the most beautiful sight these tired old eyes have ever seen.”
I want to feel the chill that goes up my spine with The Best Damn Band in the Land strikes that first note
I want to yell when the drum major touches the plume on the back bend
I want to pump my fist to the fight song
I want to see Jennifer answer the question “How many quarters in a football game?”
I want to get ready to Hang on Sloopy
I want to stand on those cold south stands for 4 hours with a million ups and downs of joy and agony with every play
I want to make myself hoarse from yelling “O-H”
I want to yell at the referees
I want to do the asshole chant
Asssss-hoooole
I want to see Christie and her daughter storm the field.
I want to eat 4 dollar hot dogs and soft pretzels with cheese
I want to hear the Buckeye Battle Cry
I want to see the Bucks, I want to see the Bucks
I want to hear the band play “Brown Eyed Girl” when we get ahead by 4 touchdowns.
And I want to see cups of Coke complemented with Captain Morgan flying from all directions from the student section
I want to see the Script Ohio and watch the entire stadium celebrate
I want to win tickets from the Corner Office
I want to see the Neutron Man shake his groove thing (RIP - Orlas King - “The Neutron Man”)
I want to high five all my friends and every other person around me after the Buckeyes score
I want to score
I find myself wanting
I find myself wanting so much
“F Michigan”
And bring on the National Champion, OHIO STATE BUCKEYES
